I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
bring money and cleavage
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
where are you?
Hypothermia
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
