You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
