I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It was confusing and full of hummus
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
