Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I party with great urgency now.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
