lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
