i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I touched a dick in church today
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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