So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
FUCK WHALES
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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