Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
what day is it and did you see me today?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
