Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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