How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We don't watch enough power rangers
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
