This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
