This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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