If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
