yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
