Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
