i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
