I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
