dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
