The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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