If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
