wakey wakey hands off snakey
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
