When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
