if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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