somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
