just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
True strength comes from lack of pants
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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