dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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