that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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