so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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