You're completely useless in the revolution.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
no. you can't hotbox the world.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
