Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
