So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
