Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
