i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
