ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
