oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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