Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
