not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
