how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
4 words: hood of his car
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
