Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
This house was built for laser tag.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
