Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
