She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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