okay pat passed out under dana's car
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
