Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
