The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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