Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
