I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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