Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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