just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
