Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
are you so shy because you have an std?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
