We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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