I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
