the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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