I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
