My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
