Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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