before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
