After last night, I could never be a politician.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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