went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
