On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
