Jerry, you need to find god
one might say we're banned from that church
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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