So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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